A few months/years ago I used to be a hothead. Whenever anyone said anything, I’d think of a way to disagree. I’d push back hard if something didn’t fit my world-view.
It’s like I had to be first with an opinion – as if being first meant something. But what it really meant was that I wasn’t thinking hard enough about the problem. The faster you react, the less you think. Not always, but often.
It’s easy to talk about knee jerk reactions as if they are things that only other people have. You have them too. If your neighbor isn’t immune, neither are you.
This came to a head back in few months back. I was speaking at the conference. After my talk one lady came up to introduce herself and compliment my talk. That was very generous of her. She certainly didn’t have to do that.
And what did I do? I pushed back at her about the talk she gave. While she was making her points on stage, I was taking an inventory of the things I didn’t agree with. And when presented with an opportunity to speak with her, I quickly pushed back at some of her ideas
Her response changed my life. It was a simple thing. She said “Man, give it ten minutes.” I asked her what she meant by that? She said, it’s fine to disagree, it’s fine to push back, and it’s great to have strong opinions and beliefs, but give my ideas some time to set in before you’re sure you want to argue against them. “Ten minutes” represented “think”, not react. She was totally right. I came into the discussion looking to prove something, not learn something.
This was a big moment for me.
She has spent her career thinking about these problems. She’s given it few years. And I gave it just a few minutes. Now, certainly she can be wrong and I could be right, but it’s better to think deeply about something first before being so certain you’re right.
There’s also a difference between asking questions and pushing back. Pushing back means you already think you know. Asking questions means you want to know. Ask more questions.
Learning to think first rather than react quick is a life long pursuit. It’s tough. I still get hot sometimes when I shouldn’t. But I’m really enjoying all the benefits of getting better.
That’s deep. Ideas are fragile. They often start powerless. They’re barely there, so easy to ignore or skip or miss.
There are things in this world that take no skill 1. Dismissing an idea.
Dismissing an idea is so easy because it doesn’t involve any work. You can scoff at it. You can ignore it. That’s easy. The hard thing to do is protect it, think about it, and let it marinate, explore it, riff on it, and try it. The right idea could start out life as the wrong idea.
So next time you hear something or someone, talk about an idea, pitch an idea, or suggest an idea, give it ten minutes. Think about it a little bit before pushing back, before saying it’s too hard or it’s too much work. Those things may be true, but there may be another truth in there too: It may be worth it.
